You are so pretty

It has been about a month since I went to Key West and I meet this guy on Tinder. We will just refer to this guy as "Hot Mess" because that is all I could say after the weekend shenanigans that I just experienced.

Let's just start from the beginning... I meet this guy, he is really nice, smart and actually really cute. We go on two dates. The first date was dinner, drinks, and football and it was just me talking the whole time because when I get nervous, I never shut up. The date went really great and ended with just a hug. I usually don't make it past a first date so wanting to go on a second was a really big deal for me.

Our next date, we went and got ice cream. It was sweet and funny to hear his stories and learn about who he was as a person. In my mind I thought "Wow, this guy actually has his shit together" or so I thought. The next day he asked me if I would spend the Saturday with him and go to a college football game with some friends. A third date in a week?! What the hell is happening? I might actually like this guy. So, all week I was looking forward to a weekend that didn't turn out to be so grand. Of course...this would happen to me.

Friday night I am packing for the weekend to stay over night after this football game and I am really nervous about this. I call my friends and ask what to wear and even pack a few extra items just in case I didn't pack the right attire. Little did I know that while I was packing, "Hot Mess" was actually getting really hammered with his friends. A few drinks on a Friday night is something I completely understand but to get hammered the night before you are leaving on a date and planned on leaving at 6 AM really doesn't seem like the smartest thing to do.

I end up getting a phone call from "Hot Mess" around 10 PM and he is asking for a ride to his house. He wanted to pack his bag, grab the car we were suppose to be taking, and then just leave from my place in the morning. It didn't seem like such a big deal until I picked him up and he was so hammered he could barely talk without a slur or two rolling off his tongue. He proceeds to say how pretty I am over and over again while petting my hair and kissing my shoulder. Now, I am not an affectionate person and especially to some one I just met a week ago.  All I could think was do not touch me, stop touching me, why are you touching me!? I eventually said listen "I am driving, could you please stop?"

So, I finally pull into his driveway and get the nice surprise of meeting his father. (Yes, he was currently living at home but just moved back) I do not ever want to meet parents and he sure as hell wasn't on the path to meeting mine.  "Hot Mess" introduces me to his father, which was slightly awkward. I was pretty much like "Hi, here is your drunk son who I just met last weekend." After an hour of awkward silence and watching "Hot Mess" try to pack his bags, make 4 cups of water, and a cup of coffee we head for my place in his Moms car. Let me just mention that is was a Honda and I know I just should have stopped right there and be like HELL NO. I hate Honda's and it just set the tone for the next 24 hours.

It's now midnight and I have to wake up at 5 AM to get in the shower and get ready to leave. I am so pissed at this point that I finally get "Hot Mess" to lay down and I wake up to him trying to walk out on my balcony. I patiently tried to tell him he was going out the wrong door and that the bathroom was on the other side of the room but he finally got the door open walked outside and immediately turned around and walked back in. I was like THAT IS THE WRONG DOOR! He returns from the bathroom only to pass out on the carpet which is fine...but now I really do think he is a dumb ass and hope that tomorrow will be better for the both of us. Fingers crossed, right?

We wake up and walk outside only to find his Mom's car is dead because I didn't realize the headlight were not automatic. Once again...fuck Hondas. But this didn't really seem to phase "Hot Mess" which ticked me off even more. Not wanting to walk to the gas station a block away to get jumper cables because he doesn't like walking when he could drive just is shear stupidity. At 9:30 a friend shows up to jump the car and by that time we would not be making the football game. At this point I don't really give two shits about anything and the friend was like lets go drink and watch football all day! I thought to myself... I can do this. I am a pro day drinker and "Hot Mess" already owes me for last night. I did make it very clear that he really lowered the drunk bar for me and not matter what I did, I would still be like hey remember that one time when you were fucking petting my hair and kissing my shoulder after we just met?! Ya...now shut up.

We go eat brunch and about 11:30 "Hot Mess" is like well what do you want to do. I was like ehh I don't know. He actually had the nerve to ask if we could go take a nap. A NAP?! Okay Bud...there is no way in hell I am taking a nap with you! Who are you?! So he was like okay lets go to this other bar and watch the games. (Thank goodness his friends were there.) After rounds of drinks and his friend throwing up in his mouth after a lemon drop shot we decide to go golfing. I am still the only girl with 3 guys and I am completely over "Hot Mess". Let's face it, he ruined it a long time ago...probably with the nap comment actually. I talked myself into being able to golf because his friends were going and they were actually really cool. Kind of a hot mess too but they weren't trying to date me.

Needless to say the two friends seem to get lost along the way so once again its just me and "Hot Mess". This part of the day my high maintenance starts to shine through just a bit... I will admit. He doesn't get a golf cart. He gets these stupid carts that you push and I am in flip flops and jeans! Are you kidding me... my clubs weight as much as me. I am playing terrible...which I always do the first few holes and then "Hot Mess" really lowers the bar even more for me. He kept pushing his cart and letting it roll away from him. I told him he shouldn't do that and would regret it. The next thing I know his clubs are rolling into a pond and disappear under the water. I just couldn't contain myself anymore and I literally drop to the ground because I was laughing so hard. I keep asking myself "Is this real life?"

We finally finish the round and he had to carry his wet clubs the rest of the way because he broke his cart while fishing it out of the pond. As we get back to my car its about 8 PM and I am just ready to leave this guy and be alone for a really long time. A mental break was way over due. I am driving him home and out of NO WHERE he reaches over and changes my radio station. Doesn't ask, nothing. Just flips it. I literally had rage through me. Did I miss something? Did I miss like 6 months of dating this guy? Because I am pretty sure we had only been on three dates. The third date really lasted way longer than it should have but I was trying to be really patient. People say I am way to picky and don't give people a chance. Hell, I gave "Hot Mess" multiple chances. MULTIPLE!

We parted our ways and I went home to sleep for 12 hours straight. That never happens either, so I know it was a crazy 24 hours. I was hoping to just not talking to him or see him again after that. "Hot Mess" was just way to exhausting and when I am talking care of someone for that long...shit won't ever happen again. I did not get a clean break though. He left his work phone in my car and I had to give it back to him. I did feel some what bad for him but it was train wreck the whole way and I don't have 12 hours of sleep I can take every weekend. So, that night I met him in a random parking lot to give his phone back and he mentions he has something for me.

Oh crap...what could "Hot Mess" possibly have for me?! Oh...of course flowers and coffee beans. The gesture was actually really sweet because I love coffee but not enough to experience all that again. Sheesh.

Needless to say I have lost all respect for that relationship/interaction I had with this guy. I know I am not perfect but I at least kept it together! Now, "Hot Mess" is a really nice guy and very smart but we will not be working on things. Hopefully the next girl he meets and says he likes won't be put through a 3 ring circus on what would have been the third date.

-Cheers to men who can't hold their liquor.

P.S. This pineapple turned out to be rotten. Sad day, not really.