Holiday Heartbreak - Survival Mode

The holidays are always hard when you are single. After spending multiple Thanksgivings, Christmas and New Year’s alone, you kind of create the perfect environment to ensure you don’t feel lonely. Then each year, you start refining them and this year I would like to say, I had it down to a fine art.

I remember my first Thanksgiving alone in my early 20’s. I was still in college and made the grand decision to go out the night before. Why not get hammered to forget your loneliness and possibly meet another drunk, lonely holiday person? Going out at the time consisted of partying at a club till 2 am and attending a meet and greet with Jesse Metcalfe. Who, at the time, was famous for being on Desperate Housewives. God, I loved that show. If you don’t know who Jesse Metcalfe is, look him up. You are welcome.

Needless to say, I was in hangover city on Thanksgiving and even found a surprise in my purse, a small bottle of vodka. I still have no idea where it came from but my plan worked...guess who I wasn’t thinking about. My ex.

My plan of just partying my troubles away was going great. Until I had to actually attend Thanksgiving. Each year, my Mother makes our favorites. Mine is baked Macaroni and Cheese. It’s my one and only request. So after dying in bed all morning, I decide to venture upstairs to engage with the family. I was in sweats, with old makeup on, and let's not talk about the matted mess my hair was. My Mom was PISSED and guess who didn’t get her Mac n Cheese. This girl.

Fast forward a few years, I’m spending the holidays alone again. Last time… I got too drunk with my friends and didn't get my Macaroni and Cheese. This time… I’ll just get drunk with my family and still secure my favorite dish. Ah, full proof. Unless you pass out on the couch at 2 PM and then your Mother takes a picture of you, happily posting it to Facebook. Ah, fuck it...pour me another chocolate martini. I had no regrets and yes, that picture is still on my Mother's Facebook. It comes out to haunt me once a year.

 

So this is what I do during the holidays. I get plastered, play board games, avoid the romantic hallmark movies, and create memories with my family. I fully embrace the cheesy holiday rituals. Decorating the house, making holidays sweets, cooking lavish meals, and obsessing over the black friday deals. Again, thinking about everything but my ex.

 

Holiday Survival Items include but are not limited to:

• Christmas Vacation
• Booze
• White Chocolate Oreo Cookies
• Every board games possible
• Puzzles
• More booze
• Die Hard
• Naps
• Christmas Pj’s
• Gingerbread Houses
• A little more booze
• And lastly, take a picture or two

 

This year, I wasn’t expecting to be alone for the holidays. So when I was, I probably went a little overboard but it worked like a charm. There really isn’t anything quite like being hammered and full of Christmas cheer. The only thing I was thinking was, I hope I’m not alone forever. I mean the thought of me being 60 and still getting lit during the holidays sounds fabulous and hilarious but after turning 30, it just doesn’t seem enough anymore. I can hit survival mode and survive but I don’t want to just survive anymore. I appreciate the memories that have come with my crazy dedication to living my best life, single or not, but this year I found myself wanting more.

 

-Here’s to growing old, still getting lit during the holidays, and sharing memories with my pineapple.

 

KM