Is monogamy dying or is technology ruining my relationships?

At 30, I’m having a hard time accepting that monogamy isn’t really a thing any more. Well it doesn’t feel like a thing anymore.  
  
Over the last 10 years, I have come to the conclusion for my own sanity and expectations that it isn’t a realistic concept. I am now competing with multiple women all the time all through one device. A cellphone. 
  
At every mans finger tips is the gateway to multiple relationships. So why have a relationship? Over the years I’ve had to constantly compete with other women. I am exhausted. Even writing this is a sad reminder that I am so exhausted over something that I never thought would be a problem growing up. But it’s always a problem.  
  
She’s just a friend... As I look back at my experiences 9 out of 10 is that friend...ain’t no friend. That’s a kissing friend.  
  
Growing up, I was told this story that I would find “the one” and we would get married, have babies, and life would be simple. None of that has happened. They didn’t mention that while he’s at work he will be texting other girls, so you won’t know or take their phones into the bathroom to answer a evening message. Oh...let me step outside and take this call. Did I feel crazy? Yes. Why? Because that’s what I was told. That I was crazy for questioning their loyalty.  
  
My question is why can’t you just be loyal, honest, and get that ego in check? Insecurities are a bitch and the string of men I have dated, all have them. This led to my insecurity about monogamy. Why isn’t it respected anymore? I don’t want to feel like I am competing all the time. So for the longest time my solution was to just be single. No competition necessary.  
  
I tried to understand why people lie and cheat. The crazy justifications that go through their head. I could not relate. As much as I tried. I just ended up being hurt, disappointed, and upset. Unable to accept the fact that someone could treat someone they love like that. Now I’ve been surrounded by amazing long term relationships that have been a great example of what is achievable. So why am I constantly surrounding myself with people who won’t ever be able to achieve that with me? Or is monogamy just dying and I need to accept the fact that this is the reality we live in. Heartbreaking to think that.  
  
As I look back over the years, I’m 17 and I drive by my boyfriend with another girl. He said he was at home. I was enraged and had tears streaming down my face and all I can do is just drive home. I’m 20, my boyfriend leaves his phone at home and asks me to bring it to him. Ahh...the classic sexts from another girl. I’m 25, I find out my boyfriend was talking to another girl for a whole year while we were trying long distance. I’m 27, the other girl shows up at the house steals some of my things and keys my car. I’m 30, I find out my boyfriend is talking to his ex girlfriend and then leaves me for her.   
The one thing all these men have in common. They each said they loved me… as they then turn to their phone and say the same thing to someone else.  
It always makes me question. If they didn’t have that easy access, would they be able focus a little more on their present relationships? If they didn’t have it in their face as temptation all the time, could they have been stronger against it? Would things have been different? If you don’t give them what they want. Men, in an instant, can try to get it from someone else. Instead of just working through a situation with someone they say that they love.  

- To the pineapples who don’t make you feel like it’s a competition and don’t call you crazy.  
  
KM 

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