My Dad said I'm single until I'm married

The best advice I received was in my late 20’s from my Dad. I wish I could recall the moment he said this and the conversation we were having but what he said has always stuck with me.

I was talking about some stupid boy drama, as usual, and he told me that I am single until I am married. If no man could commit to me at that level, then I sure as hell shouldn’t commit to them. I looked right at him and said you are right. I was giving parts of myself to people that didn’t deserve it, but I thought if I did, somehow, they would in return. That would never happen.

It was interesting receiving that level of advice from my Dad. He had always stayed out of my relationships. Only offering one time, to kick an ex’s ass. Although I declined, the fact that he offered, immediately made me feel better. Dads are the best.

His advice changed that way I viewed my relationships. How I looked at them and analyzed the way they were impacting my life. It helped me set realistic expectations for certain individuals that kept popping up in my life. You know those relationships, that always circle around to check if you are still stupid. He helped me stop those. For a moment, recently, I had forgotten his advice. Thankfully writing this blog has helped me remember what kind of expectations I need to have for myself.

I stopped making excuses for people and viewed them for what they truly are. If I wasn’t being treated at the level I need to feel confident in marriage, why keep them around? People don’t change. They show you who they are every day. You can choose to blind to that or choose to see them for what they really are. It was eye opening for me and I was a lot better with cultivating the right relationships that I wanted. I had also become completely confident in what I didn’t want but still learning what I do want.

I now laugh at the game’s men try to play. The phrases they use to try and manipulate your thoughts.

 

Someone recently said, “You should try and aggressively win me over.” I laughed and responded with you can’t win a non-committal person over. That statement of “try to win me over” … no sir. Not a chance. It made me furious that someone would think that would motivate me to pursue them. When, they should be pursuing me. I dread to think what my Dad’s response would have been. Probably… “That boy...ain’t right”.

I understand that not all relationships are black and white. That there will be times when individuals are selfish and make mistakes because of their own selfishness. Humans are all flawed and eventually will make an error. What I do not understand is the constant demand for something that hasn't been earned or expecting the world with little in return. If you can’t be confident enough to give your all, don’t expect someone to always be willing to do it in return. The constant push of give me more is exhausting. Especially when it isn’t reciprocated.

Goal for 2019: Do not accept anything less than what I deserve.

 

 

- To pineapples who know themselves. You are a true pineapple. <3

 

KM