The key to rebuilding trust: Self-forgiveness

Have you ever had an experience in life that just knocks you on your face? Where you were on top, conquering life and one thing comes along and just boots you off and watches you fall. Some people get back up and immediately start climbing back to the top. Some sit for a while reflecting and slowly start their journey with hesitation. Others never make it.

On these journeys to achieve what one considers being at the top of their game, you can make two choices. You can choose to carry the weight of what first kicked you off or you can choose to leave it where it left you. This is not something that’s easy to do. Sometimes you don’t even realize you’ve been carrying that weight around until you notice how little progress you’ve made. You start to question why you aren’t tackling things with confidence and aggression like you always have. The weight that you’ve been carrying around becomes heavier over time. Effecting your energy, your drive, and your confidence. It doesn’t want you to succeed because it’s what kicked you down in the first place. You’ve lost trust in yourself and others.

Now gaining trust back from others is always the first thing people focus on. It usually can come fast through forgiveness. Rebuilding relationships that were a part of what kicked you on your face is, at times, hard. There is always an option to not go that route. That wasn’t the one I chose. That's just not who I am. I can forgive other people but the one thing I realize I struggle with, is forgiving myself. Self-forgiveness isn’t talked about a lot. It’s always forgive others first.

The self-talk of “I have control of my life and I should have seen this, or I ignored this”. Is not positive self-talk when it’s on repeat. It’s only good when you can truly reflect, accept, and move on. The guilt was holding me back that I had failed myself. When I fail myself, I feel as if I have failed others. That is emotionally hard for me.

I thought this weight had not gone away because I didn’t know how to rebuild trust. I was right in a way but it was just with the wrong person. I needed to focus on building trust with myself. In all the articles I read about rebuilding trust, they mentioned self-forgiveness. Every time I would just skim over that because I was in denial about forgiving myself. It took some very hurtful words for me to step back and really look at why I wasn’t moving forward with myself. If I can’t move forward with myself, I can’t with someone else. My weight I had been carrying around was swallowing me up. Do you remember the old Zoloft commercial? Where the little blob had a cloud above his head and was sad. Once the cloud went away he saw sunshine and was happy. I’m not saying I need Zoloft or maybe I do. I’m not a doctor and cannot effectively diagnose myself.  My point is… that my lack of self-forgiveness had created this cloud over me. Until I clear that cloud, I will never be back on top.

Here are the steps they recommend for self-forgiveness.

Steps to self-forgiveness

• Realize the past is in the past.
• Recognize unrealistic expectations.
• Identify the hurt.
• Embrace self-acceptance.
• Put things in perspective.
• Do not be afraid to start anew.
• Look after yourself.

Currently, I am focusing on eliminate what doesn’t help me in life. Rid of the bad energy that isn’t serving me. Delete the negative talk, analyzing the past, projecting insecurities on others. I remember who I was when I felt on top. She was vibrant, motivating, and tenacious. What did my self-talk look like then? It was nothing but positive self-love.

There are times in life when I am not a pineapple. I haven’t been a pineapple in my own eyes for the past few months and I realized that needs to change.

Be a pineapple: Stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.

KM