Happiness Comes In Waves

We arrive in Key West...just me and my ex. Our first vacation together alone, after 6 years, and we aren't even in a relationship. The whole way there is silence. No one acknowledging that we haven't spoken in 6 weeks, its like we haven't skipped a beat. We check in to our hotel which is beautiful and one of the best on the island. We spent the day driving around on a scooter we rented seeing the sights in Key West.

He doesn't acknowledge anything and neither do I. As we spend the day together I try to picture if we will be able to move past things. What will life be like once we get back to the real world because taking me away only fixes things while we are away.

The second day we are together we spend it all day on the water. We jet ski, parasail, and snorkel. It was one of the best days we have ever spent together. No fighting, no insecurities, we were who we were when we first met...6 years ago.

The third day we sleep in and eat breakfast at a local café. As we plan our day, we decide to go on a glass bottom boat tour. We have a few hours before the tour and my ex wants to schedule scuba diving. I have a huge fear of drowning and a history of severe anxiety, so scuba diving isn't something I really want to participate in. This is where the ex I know comes out to show. After on hour of complaining about how I need to suck it up and stop being weak minded, I cave and decide to scuba diving. Because if I didn't scuba dive, my ex couldn't. It requires two or more people in a group. Of course, he lies to the instructors about my anxiety because he says they won't let me go if I have anxiety. All I can do is just shake my head.

We attend the glass bottom boat tour and then decide to go to the sunset festival on the board walk. At the festival there are tons of performers setting up. I notice a older man setting up a Tarot Card reading station. I have always wanted to have a reading done but my ex wouldn't go with me. So I decided to go alone and thank goodness I did because what I was told was not something he would have wanted to hear.

I sat down at a small square table with a black table cloth and two large goblets. I asked the gentleman how much a reading was and he said $20. He didn't ask any information about me and simply instructed me to clear my mind, shuffle the cards, and cut them into 3 piles. As I shuffle, like a I have never seen a deck of cards in my life, I thought about my ex, new individuals in my life, and work. I carefully cut the deck into 3 piles and he began drawing from the piles.

What he tells me, I don't think I will ever forget. As he is looking at the cards he starts to say...

In March and April you learned a bunch of secrets that someone was hiding from you and it's caused you a lot of pain. This person is currently trying to say sorry but you have heard it all before. There is nothing they can say at this point to make up for the pain they have cause. This trip you are on is a part of them saying sorry but also a part of you healing and moving on.

He continues to talk about a new business venture I was on and a new deal in August would make the company and change the path it was on for the better. In December, you will make another large deal for your company. People will try to tell you how to do business but stay true to yourself. You are good at what you do and that will show through in the end.

In January, you will meet a new love. This person has a profound pull towards you and will have a large impact in your life. Come February an old love will try to come back but your new love is so profound you will not go back to your old love...

I sat there in tears because it was true. My ex hid all the secrets from me and he was trying to say sorry by taking me on this trip. I knew then me and my ex were not going to be getting back together. We still have two more days on this trip.

My ex didn't want to know about what the reading had said and didn't care to stay for the sunset so we headed back to the hotel. As we were walking, we passed a line of homeless men sitting on a sidewalk. One yelled "Hey! how does an ugly mother fucker like you end up with a model girlfriend?" I just laughed...but my ex just smiled and shook his head. I wanted to be like yea? How do you get a girl like me? You truly have no idea what you have.

The saddest thing is to feel invaluable to someone.

It's our last full day in Key West and we are going scuba diving. This is a big deal for me because I can't even snorkel well and you want me to breath under water?!  I also get claustrophobic very easily. My ex told me that I needed to stop being a baby and that people who have anxiety are also weak minded and I need to get over it. My response was "you really shouldn't talk about things you aren't educated about because it  just makes you sound like an asshole."


After a few short videos, we head to a local hotel to do a brief training in the pool. Basically it was a nightmare for me. I had a hell of a time learning how to breath under water and push water out of my mask just wasn't going to happen. Now, this pool is small, calm, and only 3 feet of water. No big deal. After an hour training the instructor was like ok we will head to the boat and go do our dives. I was pretty much scared shitless but my ex said he was going to be so pissed if I didn't go through with this.

We ride 30 minutes out into the Atlantic Ocean and suit up. I can't even stand up with out help because the scuba gear is so heavy. I walk to the edge of the boat that is floating up and down from the large waves. I look down and am like oh shit. This is happening.

I jump into the water and it was like panic mode set in. I was being thrown around and I forgot everything I learned in the stupid crash course we had that morning. My instructor pulled me close to him and was like we need to go under the water where it is calmer and you will be fine. He sinks me under 3 feet and I couldn't breath...panic attack sets in and I just keep shaking my head no and point up. He keeps shaking his head yes and motioning for me to calm down and breath. After 20 minutes he finally sinks me to the bottom and I have a death grip on his hand. I could only think "Fuck, I better figure this out quick because we are 35 ft under water and I am not close to any air other than my own."

I finally get the hang out it was can look at the fish and coral, but don't think for a second that I let go of my instructor. Death grip stayed intact the whole time we were below. My ex was doing his own thing the whole time and didn't seemed to be to concerned about my minor melt down that happened 20 minutes earlier. We rise to the top and climb into the boat to head to our next dive. My instructor was like good job...I didn't think you could do it but you did!

Our second dive, I jumped in and no problems. Down we went and it was amazing. We saw some amazing fish and I got to watch our instructor catch a Lobster with his bare hands! We also took a few pictures under water. It was the most challenging thing I had done in my life. I over came so many fears and it was the biggest relief when it was over. The boat ride back my instructor told my ex he needed to take me out for drinks because I kicked ass today. That night I had a drink but my ex wouldn't. He actually wouldn't even take a picture with me at the restaurant. So much for our last night in Key West. The next morning I pack my bag and his, then headed to the airport.

On the ride home I was trying to figure out what was next. What is going to happen now that I head back to the city I live in that is 4 hours away? Is he going to say anything?

What happened once we got back to his house justified everything that I had to do. This was the final breaking point. I found out that he had been with another girl during the time we had been apart. Only 6 weeks. I was disgusted by him. How can you call me and tell me you are ready to start a family, that you love me, and take me on an expensive trip to come back to this. He denied it of course but at that point it didn't matter.

He asks " So do you just want me to leave you alone?" I said Yes. Leave me alone. He just turns around and walks into his house. I drive back to my apartment 4 hours away.

- Trying to make rotten pineapple work